We are fierce and now is the time but the words come out, spill out, drill out and we can’t get out, we can’t get out. No one believes us and hates us and maybe we are but OK computer we just want to be alone in the dark with that drink and it’s starting again, it’s starting again…

Put your peace in an origami box. And the ghosts are back again. Waiting to get us, out of their minds to get us. And we’re sick of screaming sick of seeing things that aren’t quite there. So far out we can never return. Can’t think straight, can’t think straight. Dried-up sponge cake soaked in glue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know, we know…the world is too. And they always figure it out, always.

So why’d we do it? Why’d we do it?

Wouldn’t you?

WOULDN’T you.

Headache pounding…no, no…not again, but yes it is – and he knew it would, the nightmares promised they’d never go away. Want to curse, but all tongue-tied. Here. The answer is there. Inside the where it’s hard to stomach. Hungry for the starve again. The bloated disbelief and the what to do in front of him; with a coin on the tongue, he wants cucumber eyes.

Alert the alter to all pages. Whatever he’s irritating is not what they spill. Microns of prattle and cycle afoot. Non-stop clatter combing his skull. Halfway not there. Erase and deflate, delete and elate. Berate and escape. Can’t eat until the laughter’s gone, he mumble-grumbles – and there goes a yawn. Unable to focus, his chew is spent. That’s what he bought for her – nine of them, but she lets her fears and worries become real, breakable things…

…like walking money.

Subway somehow
wrong way right now
lost myself in the crowd.

Do what they do
chaotic queue
push your weight to get ahead.

Look the other way,
but don’t turn the other cheek;
so what if you’re not strong,
just don’t let them see you’re weak.

When I can’t speak
and I freak out
I swim against the rush hour crowd…

How many lies can I take?
How many sighs should I fake?

There’s nothing in their faces,
like grey was pasted on to keep me out.

Candied perfumes and colognes mingle and collide
competing with an ever-lingering rust-tinged stink,
neither masks the fleeting drafts of charcoal-flavoured food, though;
and nothing can erase the musk of sweat stuck to the skin…

Obscene pouring pitter-patter
the rampant flickering of plastic sheets
and streaks of glaucous lightning,
so impossible to evade the wet
or outrun the boom of Asian thunder…

Then a train howls past at unimaginable speed
reflecting raindrops iridesce,
another’s stopped, its doors hiss open
the foxes dash to safety there;
I watch the chase and crush and keen…

…soaked and liquorish, I follow.

At Kawasaki the ‘jins rushed in.
His arms got pinched in two directions.
His hands bent backwards,
his face flushed red, then blue.
He asked if someone, anyone, would move.
No one did.
No one could.

I was too far, barely watching;
I didn’t want to look,
I couldn’t bear to look.
But I swear I would have moved for him.
He cried out for someone, anyone, to move.
No one did.
No one could.
Or would.

And that’s when it happened.
I was there when it happened.
Man went crackers on the train.

We’re all trying too hard to breathe,
competing for the same polluted air;
we’re all tortured inside,
all miserable and tired,
and in the end all nothing.

So drink up, drink hard, drink as much as you can
get the spirits in your blood, because you’ve got none of your own, man.
Oh yeah, drink up, drink deep until there’s only black;
don’t worry about the hangover, because no one’s coming back.

Last call before we shut the planet down,
last chance to drink before he blows this all to bits and pieces;
the Colonel’s going to hit RESET and take it from the top,
yeah, he’s finger-licking going to good and make this madness stop.

Subtle voices coo temptations
to apparitions following
as distant phantoms make believe
and summon nightmares from the dead;
unwanted memories appear,
mushroom visions opal glisten
sinister the scene mutates
delight in dangerous caresses
invite the above world again.

I vanish
inconspicuously into rain
succulent the juicy almost
stratosphere connected keen
then sense the absolute forgiveness
dissolve quietly away.

No more being in the light,
where they might guess,
suss out what he is.

A vampire.

It’s going to be the darkness from now on;
to keep him safe,
where he can blame the habit is why he hurts.
Skeletons for mates,
monsters for stay overs.

A vampire.

The kid wants to be a vampire.

No more look into the mirror and hate the ugliness.
No more lying explanations why isn’t like the rest.

Vampires just do.
They don’t why.
And no one ever asks them to.

No more nightmares while he’s sleeping,
voices of the ghosts he’s made.
No more waking up and waiting,
living for the day to end.

Vampires just do.
They don’t why.
And no one ever asks them to.

A vampire.

The kid wants to be a vampire.

There should be somewhat
more than what I have not
instead.

The tasks I have to sell
to get rid of;
dog-eared
…and lost for this reason.

Slept rough through my itinerary;
when said and done
all left
downloaded.

It’s not what it seems
or could
or means,
it is what it is
that was.

Yawning against truth and blatancy
arguable, perhaps;
but as soon as there,
it can never be found
again.

Looking under to fly past parasitic memories,
sloppy distinct at a glance,
checking sums
conversations.

What I converted
disappeared
words peeled rotten off the page
like sunburnt stickers
sift
unneeded
we all become.

Disbelieve the tired and true.
Italic whispers
fool.

Only I know, lonely wino
say only as much as I should
not…
…say
so…
much.

Lick the ends of cigarettes and pour myself a drink;
put myself on pause and let go straight into the sink.

I drop – wherever I fall
I land
always on all fours.

Curiosity killed me.
Curiosity killed me.
I just had to know, I just had to see.

Drown me while you still can,
tie me up with stones and rags.
Drown me while you still can
before the cats escape the bags.

The mob are roaming in the wynds,
are singing drunkenly feline,
are pulling tales that could be mine,
hear me out.

I saw the doctor put it in his hat.
Hear me out.
I tell you, there’s something fishy about that.
Hear me out.
There’s more than one good way to skin a cat.

There’s a paw among the pigeons,
stealth scratchy claws,
climbing up the walls,
but that’s hardly it at all;
look at what else the cat dragged in…
look at what else the cat dragged in…
look at what else the cat dragged in…

Yeah, now there’s someone after me,
playing cat and mouse maybe.
I’m in the dark and probably,
behind me,
could be,
when the cat’s away the mice will play…
Hear me out.

I saw the doctor put it in his hat.
Hear me out.
I tell you, there’s something fishy about that.
Hear me out.
There’s more than one good way to skin a cat…

Curiosity killed me.
Curiosity killed me.
I just had to know, I just had to see.

I jump and fall
and curlicue,
I fly…

…while waiting for that oh-so perfect moment
to pull, to pop, to float;
the sky
is mine.

I never land…

I never land…

…in never land.

I am parachute boy
hopping clouds
spinning tops on aeroplanes
squeezing colours
out of air;
the world once upon a time on fire,
but that world is through.

I drift, descend
I piggyback the wind…

…and glide, ascend
not up, not anymore;
everywhere.

I never land…

I never land…

…in never land.

Sell out. Sell out.
Welcome to daytime, now figure it out.
How long did it take you to forget where you are?
The morning cups of coffee don’t do it anymore.
Stare the ugly in the eye.
I tried to tell you.
What did I tell you?
Now take a look at what you’ve done.

Sell out. Sell out.
You couldn’t cut it, couldn’t hack it.
You were no challenge for the fight.
Cry yourself confused and grieve, “Why me? Why me?”
But I tried to tell you.
What did I tell you?
I knew you’d fail and let us down.
Threw in the towel before you ever got wet.

You have to believe in ghosts
if you ever want to face the demons…
…and win.
You didn’t listen.

Sell out. Sold out.
For far less than you were worth.
You did it to yourself…
Sell out. Sold out.
It took some time, but in the end you got there.
Sell out. Sold out.
Not that you wanted to.
Didn’t you?
What did I tell you? What did I tell you?
You never listen.

You always said you’d never,
couldn’t possibly ever.
Inscrutable sense and everything-less,
but this is what you’ve become.

Reduced…

…to a refund.

Take it back, but you can’t.
Too late for that.
I tried to tell you.
What did I tell you?

Sell out. Sell out.

I am pain, scraping by on hands and knees
shouldering blame, excuses, and apologies;
hate against hope, mutilated, torn into abused;
wandering lost chances in how’s and why’s confused.

Up to no good again, slow-poking at the holes inside my head
rushing through the lies, scratching at the flies hide-and-seeking in my brain
I am old…
…grown weak instead of strong, afraid that all of you’ve been wrong,
it’s me who’s been right all along,
I’m nothing – don’t belong, a dead soul trapped inside this human skin.

I am covered with scars from wounds inflicted by myself
contemplating damaged tins of suicide on the shelf
hungry for that taste of once upon a time ago,
dizzy for the high you get from sinking dizzy low.

The world should be beautiful, although I’m still ugly in it
papier-mâché life as I meditate my knife, should I open up these tins?
I am done…
…grown up without a past, afraid that all of this at last
will make sense when morning comes,
and everyone else to ignore, for everything else is no more.

They wouldn’t stop, kept knocking me down – I was bound to crack
They wouldn’t quit, kept kicking me ’round – I was bound to crack

I was bound to crack…

They kept the pressure on my burdened bones – I was bound to crack
Against their wall they hammered me with stones – I was bound to crack
They told me to shut up, just do what you’re told
if you argue or object, you’re out in the cold…

I was bound to crack…

I see the splinters and I watch them grow – I am starting to crack
Before I know it all I’ll have to show – and I’ll show…them…all

I’ll soon be sleeping centuries in an angel’s bed
never-ending dreaming, moonlight in my head
in one-million pieces, but I’m free – I said, I’m free…
(Happiest day)
I’m free…
(Happiest day)
I’m finally free…
(Happiest day)

I’m finally free…

In hiding
but not hidden
abandoned beneath tranquil gloom
descended into trusted shadows
dancing violent chamomile.

She thought
she knew
but even so the rising sun
winter morning, biting chill
with generous fingers and delicate touch
while sifting through clouds
massaging the skies
splashing peach and tangerine
onto walls and rooftops blue
burning up the Asian cold…

…it noticed her
wandering lost
wondering what
…it noticed her and knew
and cried.

In hiding
but not hidden
no amount of watermelancholy
could ever drown her
she thought
she knew.

One evening
never mind
a radio on in another room
nothing else, no one else
no alarms and no surprises
reclined
and liquid
inhaling fragrant steam
undressed, submerged
hand on breast, hand through hair
a smile without having to express
like sleeping in the coziest bed
a security blanket, warm and wet
she
beautiful
she
caressed.

In hiding
but not hidden
a calm that irritates the still
a wine glass shattered on the floor
dropped from her hand, limp against the porcelain
cut and freckled red;
the streaks
the trails
of Cabernet and blood
just slipped
and crashed
no sounds
no words.

Scars don’t seal with plaster kisses,
when every time you open up your mouth you cut.
Bruised ego and the look – the one you love to punch…

…all over.

When everything I do upsets you,
what else can I do but bad?
You say you don’t mean to,
you say you don’t mean it,
but I see the zero and I know that you’re mad.

A cut is a cut; I bleed what I have.

Wake up to mix-up and quarrel again,
I can’t keep up with your need for each fight.
We don’t belong to our names in the end,
having to argue just to be right.

I’m all out of temperature…

If maybe it was me all along,
if maybe I’m impossible,
if maybe I’m the one to blame…

…but no, no, no.

You’re going to have to understand,
the words you hurl – they damage
and I’m not going to say I fell anymore.

We’re running out of everything, running away from everything;
in god we trust to corrupt men to believe liars.

And it used to rain, it used to rain
water once was everywhere, now not a drop to drink.
Oh, it used to rain, it used to rain,
but we used it all to put out the fires – oil’s made us extinct.

In time, our bones, we’ll all become fuel.

I don’t know why but I recognize this place somehow
suspect, vaguely familiar – a memory half-erased.
Everyone’s a ghost, a shade, a shape I can not fix
crawling out of the woodwork, wresting free from the cracks
everything in its right place, doctor says to relax.

I’m not crazy, I’m ignoring you.

I can not make it work, I can not fix it;
I’ve spent my lifetime wanting this – and now…
memories and suicide pacts, I’ve got to go
try to stay awake until the very end of the show.

“How do you manage, cope with so much going on?” she asked.
And I could only smile and lie.

Act your age; but I’m immortal, twenty one centuries old.
And you don’t know just how far I’d go
to get lost to find you.

How do you breathe so comfortably
when the tie around your neck is a noose?

I almost didn’t make it.
I almost didn’t last.
The voices in my sleepyhead
sometimes they speak too fast.

How do you talk the talk you talk, the talk you talk is all just talk now.
How do you do the things you do, the things you do you shouldn’t do now.

Yeah, that’s it man.
Close your eyes and you’ll go right through me;
you never see me.
Go straight ahead, man – walk into me.

Waste me to pieces

How do you try to impress when you’re just all dress, when you’re so messed up – sick.
How do you get away with it, man? What’s your trick, man? What’s your gimmick?

Yeah, it’s easy to complain
…but you do nothing about it.
Bite your tongue until you bite it off,
[you] still do nothing about it.

I am…
…putting wires into places where wires don’t belong.
I am…
…getting stuck on words again of that same old stupid song.

It’s automatic like the air I shouldn’t be choking on…

Waste me to pieces

I almost didn’t make it.
I almost didn’t last.
The world I try so hard to hold on to
sometimes it spins too fast.

So

simple

to break things
impossible

to repair

…Blame

maintains the lost control
fine lines

cracked in
the truth and dares.

Who’s responsible?

Who cares?

When nothing’s left
was never there.

The note on my table,
inside
l i q u i d p a p e r g h o s t s
explain everything.

I’ve nothing else to cry.

Maybe when they put their sleight-of-hands on me
surely time to give them up the slip for good.

Rebound opaque
the tried untrue
i t ‘ s w h e n y o u t r y t o h i d e t h e m o n s t e r s f i n d y o u.

What was it I said?
What was it I said?
I’m so far out, I can’t hear myself
only echoes that have stopped bouncing

…the pills I’ve

d
r
o
p
p
e
d
.
.
.

onto the floor.

One more try;
I don’t know why,
just got the urge.

They put me in prison with newspaper walls,
graffiti headlines, splinter-nailed scrawls…
called it a hospital,
called it my job,
called it my family,
called it my god,
called it my sanity;

…sentenced to life, confined to solitary.

So, now who’s the stupid one?
I’m up against the firing squad.
Right now who’s the useless one?
Captive conned myself in two.

Screaming my innocence but guilty as hell.
a fish in a glass tank, a rat trapped in a cell.

I will break free,
someday – you’ll see.

Jailbird, I’ll fly free.

Impersonated, but not myself – then misinterpreted…

Burst the way I felt,
stole the sigh I tried to free…
Threw stones at me until I bled;
slit my tongue, kissed until I scarred inside,
unmeant the words I said.

You’re staring into one-way mirrors…but still can’t see.
Competing with my reflection,
but I’m the one I hate you most.

Let. Loose. Spill. Breach.

Watch where you slip, I’m underneath the what you think.
Just beyond the out of reach.

You took me down;
made me sick,
uncorked the bottom of my bends.
Lost my beginnings, found my ends,
made believe my make pretends.

Murdered my desire…

…again and again.

Misdirected the yet unseen.
Spilled my speak, spoiled my wine.
Laughed at when I hurt the most,
pushed me down the slide.

That’s why…

…the closer you get, the farther I must stay.

If you didn’t see it coming,
it’s because you never looked my way.

It doesn’t hurt, because he can’t feel
he doesn’t want it, but wants to steal
trapped behind glass, unable to reach whatever’s on the outside
it’s inside, the humming metal – the sparkling rust.

He plants his feet, he claims his space,
but gets pushed out, pushed back in
push each other the other way
don’t touch me, DON’T TOUCH ME!
get OFF! PISS OFF! get AWAY!

It’s the jigsaw shove, and we all squirm
fight to fit, strive to stick
but have to quit
we retreat instead.

Escape.

Into ourselves.

But who is who?

No one can tell
sell our souls to mobile heaven
rejecting proof
who gives a hell
I won’t tell.

All gravel in the metal worm
our mannequin queue
a traffic of shadows refusing to move
into the tunnel, the light at the end
signal’s changing
but nothing else
unable to reach the just outside
the light at the end
my other self.

I’m the aftertaste you hate to swallow,
hate to stomach me…
Try too hard to find my faults,
spit bitter animosity.

I’m the black sheep in the city crowd,
the underneath the party scene;
someone’s lost their contact lens,
I swear it wasn’t me.

I’m mixed-up-in a mess, and you drag me where you can.

“Where’d they put my eyes, man?”
“Down your throat,” she screamed.
Plastic bag around my head, twisty-tie my neck – you might as well.

Aye, it’s an escape, but I can’t get away.
As fast as I can, but I can’t get away.

Their lips keep moving, their mouths keep bruising;
the things they try to confuse me.
But I can’t hear them; I’m lost inside a song.
After dinner arguments, I hum it all night long.

Check the dog tied to the tree,
snapping jaws, barking at me.
Collar’s tight – I’m going to cut him loose…
And if he bites I wouldn’t care,
because it wouldn’t hurt as much as you.

I’m in the inside of the word;
the how-and-why you can not reach…
The in between the dotted-lines;
the squeezed blood of the beet.

A posted bill
you hurry by
as seconds spill
don’t stop to read (what well could be)
the secrets of the universe.

Provocative sour
in anger blurts
the tempers flare, the fight begins
the hate is spat
and all is lost…

gone…
in seconds.

A twilight thought
from somewhere else
like déjà vu
but vanishes (was never there)
then back again…
in seconds.

I see the train howl down the track
have seconds to contemplate the jump.

It wouldn’t hurt at all…

and I wouldn’t feel the pain…

only for a second.

I am imperfection
mischievous no good
and all the time that I’ve been given
I’ve spent wasting worrying about my regrets.

I’ve done it all wrong
these things
I
do
to try
and
wipe my mistakes clean.

Good intentions
without cause
have cost me
every time
that
I am given
a chance
I wind up losing.

I’ve done it all wrong
and now undone
the end
I see
I won’t
again.

The stars…
…I kiss them to move.

[THEY'RE LICKED SIT HE'S DONE]

Sometimes the outside around myself,
eggshell fractures and paint chip flakes.
An electric fence that keeps me in,
think “I am not because I could never.”

[ZOO MINGLE INTELEVISIONCE]

I don’t complain, but I certainly should.
Whenever I flee, I run in circles — not away.

Heretic go round and round.
Hysterical go round about.

It’s only until when I sit still…
…when it’s raining, perfectly drunk, and my groove turns ON;
I sing the invisible a song of invisible.
See through the look. Feel past the touch.
In my darkness, I kiss the stars to shine.

[NEVER ANY SENSE MADE ME]

Nothing moves
nothing gives.

A leaking pipe in a crumbling wall.
A spoke contorted out of shape.
A skeleton of some dead umbrella,
flesh all withered, blown away.

All your words you’ve said before
all your stories have grown old.
Where once were reasons now just blame
where once was courage now lies shame.

Curse hope
and burn the fucking optimists
you bit your lip until it bled, cut your tongue in two.
They laughed at everything you did
mocked your wounds, teased your scars
poked at you
poked at you
poked at you…

…until your buttons busted
broke your remote self-control.

When you’ve nothing else to hide
when you’re nothing more to see
decals peeled
motor stripped
chassis’ chrome has greyed.

Junkyard life
obsolete
useless vacuum tube.

Circulation standstill
short-circuited for good.
Systems shutdown – malfunction
all your secrets blew their fuses
now you’re in the dark, and through…

now you’re in the dark, and through…

I’m drinking again, liquoring neon gin.

Say it slow-like, now
and you might understand,
let me be the ethereal spark for your kerosene soul.

Can you hear me?
Who can hear me?
Not me, I never listen to myself at all.

I abandoned me for you, but you’re not there.
Never were, never will be…
You say you see me, but you only see air
and my bones spit cold.

I’ve lost my faith in something no one’s ever heard of…
Hey, sleepyhead where did you go?

Like this,
I know it’s not the way to live,
to want to always suffer in it…

I want to be happy, so terribly happy
smiles all the time
so positive and good…

I want you to like me
to want to become me
but I don’t believe me
no, I don’t believe me.

All hooked like fish, suckers for the bait
all fucked up in our hideous ways
all tucked into our selfish ways
a hard-boiled consciousness, emotionless daze.

Chickens squawking, running mad
heads all chopped off – lopped off, bad
still got their suits on, though – flapping mad
and if that’s so it’s not so bad
that’s too bad…

You see that nice man coughing there? Choking on his necktie?
He’ll hang from it later on, you know
swing like a boxing bag
I’ll kidney-punch his insides out
that’s what the MRS. said.

I can’t fly anymore, but I won’t drown
sink a little, maybe
but I won’t drown…

Am I the only one with a rock in my shoe?

Take five…

Take two…

Take everything…

I do not know
and no one can tell
or will,
maybe.

…I am
sometimes
I think
I’m sure
but THINKING must mean
I am NOT
at least
ALL the time.

…there is a door
that opens
or LOCKS
I am not sure
but I’m
ALWAYS
on the other side
and WRONG.

…and LOST!
within myself
inside myself
I fear.

…the hurt
COMES
from a lack of control.
giving it up
to the other me,
the who the who am I?

…nonsense
MAKING sense
something
sometimes
is ALWAYS wrong
must be
MUST BE
the who the what I am
or WAS.

The spinning plates we broke from before, still on the floor, remember them?
Watch where you step, the hurt’s right there, or is that just what you intend?

Autopilot set, I am crashing at the count of ten…
I start to finish, but not yet, too many questions asking when.

Attack with knives and daggers – you are…
…clawing tooth and nail.
Suicide in self-defense, my confession’s in the mail.

It’s been a long time since the last time,
this time the end (though you’d disagree).
Argued until we tired of fighting, there are no words left to bruise you or me.

Impersonal and distant – you are…
…a waste of time thinking what to say.
Just let the words spill out of my mouth,
truth always gets in the and away.

Forever worried senseless – you are…
…pathetically amiss.
Constantly spinning round in circles, your bearings in a twist.

Autopilot set, I am crashing at the count of ten…
At the bottom, but not yet, a ways to fall before the end.

Autopilot set, yeah I’m crashing at the count of ten…
When I hit the bottom I won’t forget how high we flew back then.

Fumbling, mumbling…
It’s the trying that gets in the way.
Or so it seems whenever I do.

「People shifting moving pictures wandering lost art in museums;
nobodies like scavengers haunting midnight premises,
picking through flash magazines, turning pages without intention.
Don’t fake the inconspicuous, boy…or everybody else might do the same.

Burrowing, tunneling, unseen obscene: bathroom-stall conspiracies;
examining and mesmerized, I jot my mobile number on a busy painted wall,
just to see if anybody will ring.

I need the proof I’m wanted.

Unlocking immemorial to see what I can find…

…articulately blind.」

AND HERE is where the waters burn. Stomachs turn. All desires yearn again to be set free.

「Broadcasting temperatures around the world,
the sunspots are back in black again, and here’s mine:
thermometer the asphalt, man;
aye, could be the last you’ll ever see of me.

(And there’ll be no news from the other side.)

I’ve lost my appetite for the pleasantries.
I’m too tired to chew them up just to spit them out – no more.

Ask why the first, but there is no reason,
the world simply tired me with its overenthusiasm.

How many words for how many times I’ve tried to sort it right?
(It’s the trying that always gets in the way.)
Not the first time, but now the last time.
I don’t want the part time anymore…

…nor any other part of me.」

I want to remember how to slip into quietly,
to unearth the smiles forgotten in me;
those misplaced fossils buried in my depths,
in the petrified stone of a soul I keep…

…jury-rigged.

…drilling holes into the wall.

Hiding
from
the
news clips
flickering
on
the
tube.

The
constant sounds
and
always breaking…

…I
can’t
sleep
at
all.

Tick-tock
tricks
bollocks
the
mind;

a
miscoloured
Rubik’s cube.

Don’t sucker for the bait, because the trap’s been set for you.
They make you wait on purpose so that they can fuck with you.

They said it would be easy.
I did just what they told me.
They told me not to worry, the siren’s on – don’t move.

The cars are on fire and the news is out…
he bought himself a gun to kill the president.
The crowd says he’s dead, but there’s still some doubt;
I swear it wasn’t my fault, it went off by accident.

I’m in no hurry, man – so would you please slow down?
I’m in no rush to stay here, but get me safely out of town.

I’m alive – take it easy.
I’ll get better, I’m ok.
I’m alive – take it easy.
There’s no need to save the day.

Sign says left, but right means wrong…
multiple choices, divided answers.
Wandering lost, trying to belong…
connecting the dots to make little senses.

What we don’t want to want to know always finds us in the end,
no matter where you’re hiding, or how much you pretend.

Everybody’s on the run…and we’re all going to get it.
Everybody’s on the run…because we’re all going to let it.

They said it would be easy.
I did just what they told me.
They told me not to worry, the siren’s on – don’t move.

Once more back to where it ended
once began
to start again?
To try, perhaps
again
you do.

Nowhere at all, all at once.
Anywhere, if only…
…wherever where, if maybe
and maybe there, perhaps
will never know until
you do.

Deadline.

My hands wanted to, fingers curled – bent out of shape;
bumped off in the mind.
Indeterminate position, needing something I could sink my digits into.

Close. No longer me. End destructible.

Slip your guess and it may fit, but you can’t chance it anywhere.
So call in your favours, save up your bones.

Deadlines are drawn.

Infiltrated cosmos…
…smacked into the sun, wanted for the burn out.
It never came.
Naked and near, but all I felt was cold.

When I don’t have to I can’t stop, but never can begin when I have to. Still, either way the cogs jam, my head sticks, brain slows…unbearably numb…and the pain in my stomach, like a kick in the gut, makes me want to choke my last. They say I should sleep, but I know that I can’t. I suppose I should try, but I won’t try. Cos I don’t need that anymore. I complained. Shrieked and squirmed. Yet no one stirred.

Respectfully inconvenient, all.

Never deliberate.
They always copy the already forged.

Dead fine line.

Stewed in the drought of colours bled. I saturated nil.
My hands poised for the butcher’s blow…
…I just couldn’t dole out the score from scratch.

Altitude. Phobianomy. Self-misrepresented.

Press your luck and it may give, but you can’t save your rainy day.
Fracture the method, scrutinize your will.

Dead in line.

Where did they put my pills? And who’s prototype are you? Questions bought at supermarkets. ATM debilitated. I don’t want the world to know. Spineless in the faculty. Face left in the sink. Afraid to leave the house. Never coming home. Holes unplugged in skin. Clawing to get out.

…And the gossip drips as they nail their names into the medium. I hear.
What’s wrong? They’re gobbling up our rented souls. Hunted by panic.
Stalked and sneered.

Sea me.
Topical under.
Squeal.

Don’t drink the meaning if you plan to leave the words to dry.

Stationary. Adhere. Disinfected.

Subtract me from the noise…

Line’s dead.

…I’ll eavesdrop on the echoes after.