Decoloured. Decoded. Dead.

…I am somewhere else, alone in a nowhere place I swear -I swear!- I’ve been before.

Am I remembering? Or simply here again?

I am somewhere else, but I am not myself; instead, I am…a manifestation of my shame…of wretched emotions and festering blame…a whirlpool of gripes and self-deprecation, and the list goes on-and-on how much I hate myself. How much I detest the filth that makes me who and what I wish I could no longer be.

I am punishing myself without cause or good reason – without even an excuse to implicate. But then I swear -I swear!- I’ve done all this before. Been through all this before. Am still in anguish from the last bout of before. It’s sadistic, to the core. I know. and yet, I relish the pain. Contentedly, I tolerate the hurt, but…

…now there’s something here that feels deeper than the sea. It’s underneath my flesh and crawling in the bones inside of me. The voices infiltrate and echo in my head…

Are you sure you alive? You could be dead.

“Random?”

Posted by Invisibleye in: Experiences   1 July, 2009  

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